Yes, the title speaks for itself; this is the story of the time I nearly got deported. But, when, why, who, where and what the smeg?
Once Upon A Time
So, I had this great job working at a chain of three nursery schools. The idea that I was about to get deported from the country was very far from my mind. Every day I got to teach beautiful Japanese babies and toddlers English. One day, my boss rings me up (it was a Tuesday) and tells me that my last day of work is Friday.
Panic Time
Me: “What the smeg?!”
My boss: “Sorry, Jade, but the nurseries have run me into the ground and I’m bankrupt.”
I then talked him through it, reassuring him that he’d be alright and get through this.
Apparently, he had managed to sell all three nurseries to separate owners. The nursery school staff were all able to keep their jobs… except for the English teachers (myself and my friend, Satomi). The whole “daily English lessons” thing had been his main selling point to parents. However, the new owners weren’t that interested, it seemed.
Suck It Up, Jade
So, I immediately phoned Satomi (Satty) to tell her the news and she went straight into panic mode. She already had another job at an English conversation school, so I was a bit confused at her reaction… until I remembered it was Satty – the most anxious girl in the world. While I calmed her down and we ran through our options together, I figured that my Japanese was probably good enough to be able to get a bar job or something.
Satty: “But Jade, what about your visa? Doesn’t it expire soon?”
Me: “Oh, smeg.”
Of course, my visa! I couldn’t just find any old job, I needed one that came with visa sponsorship!
The Job Hunt Begins
With a deep sigh and a flash of determination, I went home. I dressed up in a suit, took a professional(ish)-looking photo of myself (see above) and started applying for jobs on the internet like there was no tomorrow.
Within two days, I had applied for 15 jobs and started receiving interview offers.
“Thank smeg!” I thought to myself.
It was mid-September and my visa was due to expire in October, so time was a-ticking. Little did I know, I was on a countdown to nearly getting deported…
I had a few immediate interview rejections due to the urgent visa-sponsorship situation. Turns out that a lot of schools require that you work for them for at least three months before they consider sponsoring your visa. This is obviously so they can check that you’re fit for the role as completing visa-sponsorship applications is an absolute pain in the arse.
Luckily, I did land an interview at another nursery school. The children there were super cute and the building was new, so it looked promising. I was delighted when the school director phoned me up one day and told me that a member of staff had suddenly quit overnight and that the job was mine to start immediately.
“Get in!” I thought. Although, in hindsight, the fact that someone had quit overnight should have been a red flag…
New Job, New Life
The school started the process for sponsoring my visa immediately and I felt imminent relief.
At first, it was so much fun looking after and playing with the children. The school was an international one, which meant that all communication was done in English. However, my role was not to teach English but to be an actual carer. Spoon-feeding, nappy changes, the lot! Talk about a learning curve!
The school used special teaching practices called the Reggio Emilia approach and the Montessori Method. There were many rules and an entire handbook to read through, but no time to do so.
The director once snapped at me when I said I had taken the handbook home to read after work. The handbook was supposed to be kept on the premises at all times so that I could read it after I had finished prepping for the next day. The problem was that I never had any extra time left over to read after all the prep. Thus, I never got the formal two weeks of training the contract stipulated that I should have had, and I was unable to teach myself behind the scenes. It was an impossible situation.
Scary Boss
Not only was I learning on the job, I soon got the feeling that the director didn’t like me. I asked too many questions and, rather than responding to me, she always shut me down as if I were one of the children.
One of my coworkers just compounded matters by running off to tell her whenever I made a mistake instead of just talking to me about it. Then, the director told me I was too defensive when I explained why I had done something. It was ridiculous.
One day, after I had handed in all the visa-supporting documentation to the immigration centre, she called me into her office. I was handed a sheet of paper. It was a contract that said, should I quit the job within a year, I would have to pay a fine. And quite a hefty one. It said that the money would be subtracted directly from my salary, and all because they had sponsored my visa. I thought it very interesting that she presented me with this AFTER the visa process had already begun. I clearly couldn’t say no or else she’d call immigration and have them cancel the visa… Something felt off.
Due to all this, I felt incredibly stressed and hated the idea of going to work each day. Perhaps getting deported wouldn’t be so bad after all…?
A New Hope
One of my good friends, Neil, offered me a teaching position! It was at the English conversation school where he worked, BLISS English. I had originally declined his offer because the salary was pretty low, but a miracle happened. He had worked his magic on the boss and gotten us both higher salaries!
He told me he would back me on the visa sponsorship and we were off! After just three weeks of employment, I sent my email of resignation to the nursery school and headed back to the immigration centre.
Immigration 101
I despise the immigration centre. It’s always depressingly slow and you often have to wait around 4/5 hours to get your paperwork processed at the various counters.
I had been given a bunch of visa-supporting documents from the new English school and they had told me to go to counter C5. Just in case, I went to the information counter in the main lobby and explained the situation to double check.
Me: “I want to report a change of employment. I have just changed jobs, but my visa application is still being processed under my previous place of employment. Which counter should I go to?”
Lady at Counter: “B1.”
Me: “My visa is still not complete, is B1 still okay? Not C5?”
Lady: “Yes.”
Well, I shrugged and headed up to the B1 counter, which was pretty empty. I asked the man at the counter what I should do and checked again.
Me: “I want to report a change of job.”
B1 Counter Man: “Take this form and fill in your previous job details and your new ones. Then come back here.”
Me (That’s it?): “Okay, but my visa application is still being processed under my previous place of employment. I have all these documents… Is only this okay?”
B1 Man: “Yes, you don’t need all that.”
Me: “My visa is still not complete, are you absolutely sure?”
B1 Man: “Yes.”
Well, No Harm Done
I marvelled at how ridiculously simple it was to do this compared to queueing up at the main counters. There was barely a soul here and the paperwork was very easy:
- Name, address and phone number of previous workplace
- Name, address and phone number of new workplace
- Date of workplace change
- Name, current date and signature
Done and done!
As I handed my paperwork back in, I asked the man at the counter one final time if this was all okay. He said yes. So, how was it that I nearly got deported?
Waiting Time
I had handed in my workplace-change paperwork about a week after my current visa had expired. It was a stressful time. I had my slip of paper stating that I was awaiting a new visa in my purse. It said that after 40 days, had I not received any news from the immigration centre, I should call them.
40 Days Later…
Well, 40 days surely did pass, and I phoned up to find that it was still being processed. They said to call back in a week if I still hadn’t heard anything.
One Week Later…
Still nothing, so I phoned them again. They told me to wait some more.
Immigration Centre Summance
Within that next week, I received a letter in the post telling me to come back to immigration. It also said to bring ¥4000 (£30) with me to pay for the visa.
“Hooray!” I thought. Hurriedly, I informed Neil and he gave me the day off to head to immigration.
I brought along my then Japanese boyfriend for moral support, and I’m so glad I did because…
Visa Application Rejected
I first felt wary when I was sent to the C5 counter instead of the usual A3. (These counter titles are probably completely incorrect, by the way. I’m trying to recall this information from about two years ago, so don’t quote me on this!).
As I sat there, twiddling my thumbs nervously, eventually my number was called. I entered a private office to find an elderly Japanese man dressed in an important-looking uniform. Turned out he was a member of immigration security staff. And he was there to judge me.
The Room of Judgement
He passed me a slip of paper, which stated that my visa had been rejected. He explained that the international nursery had phoned them to explain that I wasn’t working there anymore.
I stared at the piece of paper in shock.
Me: “But, I came here about a month ago to report a change of employment.”
Security Man: “Well, there’s no evidence of that here.” (Implied undertone: you’re a liar).
I checked in my diary and told him the exact date I had come and handed in the paperwork. My boyfriend backed me up and asked what we could do next and if there was a way of fixing it. The security guard told us that the only thing to do now was to pay ¥4000.
“Why? What am I paying for?” I wondered.
I was paying for a one-month visa that banned me from working. It was a visa to allow me time to pack up my belongings and get the smeg out of Japan. If I refused to pay and collect it, I couldn’t retrieve my passport. What a miserable situation.
My stomach sank to the floor. What the smeg was going on? I had a job; I wasn’t supposed to get deported.
Intense Fury
Me: “So, I can’t go to work this afternoon, then? I have students to teach.”
Security Man: “That’s correct. You cannot work anymore.”
Me: “Do you not think it’s strange that I have a job? I am working at an English conversation school. I am in visa-sponsored employment…”
Security Man: “Yes, that is strange.”
End of conversation.
My boyfriend said a few more words on my behalf that fell on deaf ears. Then, we were escorted out of the office and shown where to pay to collect the one-month visa… and await my getting deported. My boyfriend asked me which counter I had handed in the ‘change of employment’ form to.
A Return to Counter B1
We went round the corner to the B1 counter. My boyfriend quickly explained to the man at the desk what had happened. It was the same guy who had processed my paperwork. The same guy that told me what I was doing was absolutely hunky-dory when I first came. My boyfriend asked if they had my details in a computer system here.
The man fiddled with his tie and explained that they did have a computer system. But, he added that it was confidential and our reason for wanting to check wasn’t good enough.
“HOW THE SMEG IS UNFAIRLY GETTING DEPORTED NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON?!” I wanted to shout.
My boyfriend firmly and politely insisted that he check the system. The man asked to check my identity.
B1 Man: “May I see your residence card.”
Me: “The man over at C5 is withholding it.”
B1 Man: “I see. Then, may I check your passport.”
Me: “Again, that guy has it.”
B1 Man: “Well, I really need to check that the name you say is really you.”
Me: “Is there no other way you can check?”
Turned out there was a way. A really smegging simple way. After looking up my name in the system, he asked me for my phone number and birthday. When I quickly gave him the correct answers, he almost looked surprised.
“Does Japanese immigration just think that all foreigners are complete and total smegging liars?” I thought in a rage. “We all clearly need to get deported as far as these smegs are concerned.”
The man indeed clarified through his computer system my change-of-employment details. The date of change matched up with the date I had told the C5 security man too.
Absolute Japanese Insanity
My boyfriend and I asked the man to please go and show the security guy over at C5 this information.
He refused.
When we asked why, he blinked back at us and said that it was impossible that my visa would have been rejected on that basis alone. Basically the same premise as before: foreigners are all lying scumbags.
My salvation was just a few feet away and I couldn’t access it. I internally screamed at that point and broke down in tears of frustration. “Why do you want me to get deported?!”
Luckily, this seemed to trigger an allergic reaction in the man. He quickly moved away from me and slithered over to the guy at C5. May I just point out that these counters were LITERALLY round the corner from each other.
A Shining Light?
After a few minutes of waiting as the two men chatted it out in the back office, the security man came forth. Being so old that he could barely stoop down to see the computer screen properly (and probably unaware of how to use one anyway), he asked the B1 counter man to print off the validating information.
After peering at it closely through a magnifying glass (okay, I made that bit up), he wandered over to us and said:
Security Man: “Would you look at that? You DID come here to inform us that you had changed jobs. Sorry about that!” (Congratulations on not being a complete lying smeg).
Me: “…Yes. I know.”
What happened next bamboozles me still today.
Security Man: “You silly-billy, you should have gone to the C5 counter to announce the job change, not B1!”
Me: “I literally checked which counter to go to with two different members of staff. How is this my fault?”
Security Man: “Yes, well we did put you in a bit of a pickle. Now, please pay ¥4000 and retrieve your one-month visa.”
Dramatic Pause
Me: “WHAT?”
Was I still going to get deported anyway? Well, not quite. Apparently, without any visa to my name, I was now illegally in Japan, so I had no choice but to pay up.
Security Man: “Tell you what, seeing as it was all our fault, we’ll speed you through the working visa process. Bring us the documents you originally brought with you again tomorrow morning. If you do that, we can get you a new working visa.”
Me: “Okay, gotcha.”
Security Man: “You will need to bring another ¥4000 with you for the new visa, though.”
Me: “So, I have to pay twice when it was the immigration centre’s fault? What the smeg?”
Security Man: “Sorry, I understand how you feel. But, it can’t be helped.”
End of conversation.
Stupid smegging Japanese systems with absolutely no rule-bending or allowances for special circumstances whatsoever! Sometimes I wonder if it’d have been better for me to just get deported so I could start afresh somewhere less ridiculous.
In simultaneous relief and fury, I went and paid for the one-month deportation visa and left the building. My boyfriend called the office staff at my school and asked them for the documents again.
Related Article: The Time I Got Dengue Fever
A Happy Ending
Despite the office staff taking several hours to get my paperwork together again, leaving it as a low priority in their daily to-do list, I did get back to immigration in time to retrieve my new working visa.
The Japanese staff at the Tokyo Immigration Bureau are not friendly. Most of Japan gives excellent service and staff always beam at you, but not here. Perhaps it’s because the whole building is full of dirty foreigners like myself… All of them just asking to get deported. Either way, the woman at the C5 counter looked at me like scum on the sole of her shoe when she handed over my new working visa. It were as if I were inconveniencing her while she was DOING HER JOB after her office had ALMOST DESTROYED MY LIFE and I’d NEARLY GOT DEPORTED.
However, when all was said and done, I had a visa. I could continue living and working in Japan. I hate that everything is still done via paper rather than a combined, shared computer system. But, of course, that would make too much sense and be far too modern.
Related Article: The Time I Accidentally Hatched Mosquitoes in My Japanese Sharehouse Bedroom
Smegging Japan!!
Anyway, that was the harrowing tale of when I nearly got deported. Hope you enjoyed it! Have you ever had any super close calls like that? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
I hope you all have a wonderful, deportation-free day, smeglets!
Love Jade xxx