Well, the title is pretty self-explanatory. This is the story of when I got drunk and bought some pet fish.

How It Happened

I was out drinking with my Japanese friend and we decided to take an evening stroll for as far as our legs would carry us. We stumbled along, cans in hand, towards Ginza. We made it as far as Nihombashi, and then my friend suddenly stopped.

“Have you ever been here?” He said, pointing to a jazzily lit-up shop.

Unable to read kanji that well, I said “What is it?”

He responded, “A fish shop.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve been there before!” I said, mistaking it for the fish art aquarium in the same area.

We boldly marched forwards and entered the shop.

Once Inside…

It was not the same place I’d remembered at all, but I delighted at looking at all the fish. Then, a particular blue, swishy fish caught my eye.

“I’m BUYING it.” I declared.

My friend shook his head and tried to talk me out of it.

“You have no idea how to look after fish. And it’s pretty expensive!”

He was spot on, of course. However, I was drunk. I got drunk and bought some fish… as you do.

The staff served and sold me these fish despite the fact that I was holding two 9% cans of alcohol in my hands (I was holding my friend’s at the same time, don’t be so judgmental). They also explained to me that males and females could not live together and that the females may also fight.

I walked out of the shop with three blue, swishy fish (which I now know to be Betta fish) and a bunch of fish food. The male fish I’d bought was around ￥7,000 and the two females I’d bought were about ￥4,000 each. Plus the fish food, and I had managed to spend ￥17,000 (approx. £114) in one fell swoop. Money that I didn’t have, but that’s the joy of credit card debt. Impressive stuff, I know.

But, Where Are You Going to Put Them?

Well! Considering the two females I’d plucked had been in the same tank together, I figured they’d be able to live in harmony. So, I promptly hopped on a train home and bought two large Tupperware boxes from the local ￥100 shop, Daiso. Filling them with water, shells and coral I had collected from various beaches and cups for them to hide out in, I thought I had built them the perfect temporary homes.

Oh, How Wrong I Was.

It soon became apparent that the two girls could NOT live together. At least, not just the two of them in a box that was tiny compared to the tank they’d been in at the fish shop. I heard splashing and saw one of the fish continually charging at the other and forcing it to flee.

“Oh, smeg.” I thought.

I quickly nabbed the fearsome one in a cup and shimmied it over to my saucepan. With nowhere else to put it, this would have to do for the night.

And Then…

Luckily I had stayed up pretty late trying to set the fish up properly, so, at 1am when I heard yet more splashing, I was awake to see the damage.

The fish in the saucepan was having none of it. She kept trying to jump out and escape!

“For the love of smeg!” I thought, and jumped up to find some clingfilm.

I covered the top of the pan with it and stabbed some holes in it for air. Then I returned to bed, hoping and praying that the fish would all still be alive by tomorrow.

Related: The Time I Accidentally Hatched Mosquitos in My Japanese Share House Bedroom

The Following Day

I awoke with glee to see that they WERE all still alive and present and hurried off to the shop to get a third Tupperware box.

Once home again, I scooped the naughty girl into her own abode and jumped online to order three actual fish tanks for them.

Three Days Later…

I was now the proud owner of 53 fish and five snails. Unable to control myself, upon the arrival of the fish tanks, I had rushed to the nearest fish shop and bought a bajillion more. I had also purchased aquatic plants, stones for the bottom of the tanks, a small net and some fish tank toys for them to hide in.

I spent the entire evening setting up the three tanks and filters etc. and then sat back to admire my work. Oh, how I reveled in seeing all the tiny rainbow fish mull around with the beautiful Betta fish! It was truly a dream come true. Turns out that it was actually a blessing in disguise that I got drunk and bought some fish!

One Week Later

I was beside myself with panic as yet another fish floated to the surface… dead. They were dropping like flies and I couldn’t understand why!

I scoured the internet for information and deduced that one of my snails had died, releasing ammonia, which had then poisoned the tank. Add to that the fact that I had NO IDEA how much food to give them and had also managed to unwittingly poison the water from all the uneaten food rotting away in there too… It was no wonder everything was going to utter smeg.

Here I was, thinking that fish were the easiest pet in the world to take care of, yet I couldn’t even manage to keep them alive. I scrubbed the tanks clean with soap, replaced all the water, and started feeding them less. BUT THEY STILL. KEPT. DYING.

Somebody Help Me!

I told a few friends about my predicament and one of them introduced me to a marine biologist that they knew. Within minutes, I had clear instructions on what to do.

Did You Know?

• You can’t put seashells and coral etc. into a freshwater fish tank, no matter how clean you think they are.
• Once one snail dies, the ammonia they release quickly kills off any other snails in the tank. This causes even more ammonia release and then the fish start to drop.
• Fish can’t simply live in tap water because of the chemicals in it, so you need to add a special water-purifying liquid to the tank.
• There are certain other chemical levels in the water (such as nitrate), that need to be checked because if they build up, they will kill your fish.
• When you clean a fish tank, you shouldn’t scrub the sides of the tank particularly hard or use soap because the fish require the good bacteria built up in there over time to survive.
• Overfeeding is a very easy thing to do with fish, especially when you first start out. Only feed them once a day and with a mere sprinkle of fish food.
• If your fish are constantly swimming with their heads sticking out of the water at the top of the tank, it’s a sign that you need to REPLACE ALL THE WATER IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE THEY ARE LITERALLY GASPING FOR AIR.
• Don’t follow in the footsteps of the girl who got drunk and bought some fish. Just don’t.

Related: The Time I Nearly Died from Dengue Fever

Let’s Try That Again

I followed his instructions and bought some strips that check the chemical balance levels in the water. Everything seemed clear and good to go, so I bought some new fish to replenish the tanks and, rather than snails, decided to get some little Cory Catfish to help naturally clean the tanks instead.

To my complete and utter surprise, it was a success!!

Until…

Fin rot.

“What the smeg is fin rot?” I hear you ask.

Well, it’s literally when the fish’s fins and scales start to rot away from the edges in.

It started with my male fish and then suddenly my two females had it too. I bought a bunch of fin rot medicine online and a different type from a local fish shop and quickly shoved the correct dosages into the tanks.

The girls made a recovery, but my boy did not.

He slowly withered away over the course of the next few months and nothing I did could bring him back…

The girls also passed away a few months after that, and I’m pretty sure it was because they were overfed by a friend when I was away for work one weekend… *sigh*.

Current State

I got rid of one of the three tanks as it was unnecessary to say the least and space is not what you’re blessed with when it comes to Japanese housing.

I got a new Betta, which is doing fine, as are all the other fish, and there have been no deaths since the original onslaught, thank smeg.

So, that was the time I got drunk and bought some pet fish!

Moral of the Story

Don’t buy fish on a whim when drunk and you have absolutely no knowledge of fish or how to take care of them or how smegging difficult it is to originally set up water that they can survive in.

The end.

Have a good day.

Love Jade xxx