I wish I wasn’t joking because I hate mosquitos! What the smeg is wrong with me? I swear bizarre things like this only happen to me…

Let’s Start From The Beginning

Well. It was summer and mosquitos are rife here in Japan. After the whole Dengue Fever palaver, I am now a little bit petrified of mosquitos.

One night, I get home and am lying in bed when I hear the light buzz of what could only be a mozzie. I leapt up and turned the light on and gazed around trying to spot the little smeg. I eventually spotted it on the wall and attacked it with a book. It died. Jade 1, Mozzie 0.

I snuggled back down in bed and went to sleep.

Day 2

I arrived home after work to find my boyfriend at the time flapping around the room in a frenzy. “There’s a mosquito,” he hissed. “Another one?” I moaned. We both tracked it down and squashed it.

“Phew! All done! We need to be more careful when we hang out the washing and bring it in to dry!” I said.

Later that evening, as we were about to sleep, I spotted another one on the ceiling. “For smeg’s sake! Not another one!” I cried in despair. Unfortunately it wasn’t willing to be killed and we had to sleep in mid-fear.

Day 3

I awoke to my boyfriend complaining about the bites all down his back. His blood must have been more appealing because I got off scot free. Some of the bites were enormous, though, so I felt pretty guilty.

I managed to clap it dead before I went to work, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

Day 6

A couple of days passed with no tragedies. We went about our daily lives as always until, on Day 6, my boyfriend awoke with a fresh supply of bites.

“Right, that’s it!” He fumed.

When I returned home that night, he had bought two different cans of bug spray and a special mosquito-repelling mist machine.

Him, while grinning: “I’ve killed another one!”

Me, pointing at the wall: “There’s one over there.”

He attacked it with spray and the room disappeared into a haze.

“Ahh! Where are they all coming from?” He yelled. “I bet they are breeding somewhere in the room.”

“Don’t be daft,” I said. “Where on earth would they be breeding?”

“Your plants!” He said, pointing at the row of pot plants I had on the coffee table.

“That’s impossible!” I said and immediately started looking up mosquito breeding.

All Is Revealed

My plants when they were safely outside. The smeg on the far right was the culprit

Female mosquitos require still, stagnant fresh water to deposit their eggs in. In fact, the water can be as little as 2cm deep and the little smeglets can hatch and survive to bring seemingly never-ending horror upon smegging idiots like me.

I observed one of my plants, which was in a jelly-like substance in a glass bowl of water. It was a really pretty plant (partially because of the cool bowl), and my heart sank.

I looked up images of mosquito eggs and sure enough, there they were in my little plant. Because there was also a bunch of jelly in there, I had to pour the water out carefully down the sink while trying to avoid jelly dropping in and blocking it. Then, I rehoused my plant into a new pot and threw out the jelly.

My boyfriend put a bunch of books on top of the empty bowl because it still gave him the creeps to look at. It stayed like that for a couple of days until I properly rinsed it out and filled it with decorative sand instead.

Lesson Learnt

I suppose all things happen for a reason. This time, it was to teach me more about the life cycles of the wonderful creatures living on this planet with us.

Smeg me, I wish mozzies would hurry up and become extinct already, though.

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And that was the time I accidentally hatched mosquitos in my Japanese sharehouse bedroom.

Bye bye, my loves!

Jade xxx